Wandering Around Out There With A Canoe On My Head

The Tragic Story of Kate Moss

by Preston
September 5, 2016

Some sad news about Kate. And tragically, it appears she has meet some kind of foul play – and just when we were going to give it another try to work things out.

Canoe on a car with flowers and a sticker below

Perhaps it was wishful thinking, maybe I was just sap. I thought after out break up we could figure out a way to work it out. She said she couldn’t leave her home, I needed to get back to mine. She always was a little more rigid than I.

bottom of a canoe with various gear along with flowers

So I packed up and loaded the canoe. I know flowers wouldn’t just fix things, but it couldn’t hurt. Maybe paddling and portaging them all the way there might be some kind of gesture and maple her heart strings a bit.

Nancy the dog in a canoe with a bunch of flowers

We tried our best, but we couldn’t make it all the way to Kate’s home in one day. We were bushed. We’d have to camp out. Nancy didn’t know what we were doing, but she liked that we were doing it. 

view from carrying a canoe with flowers in one hand

This is how a young man (yes, I said young) portages to his girlfriend. You do these things fir loved ones.

Preston walks from the lake with flowers in his hand

We made it nice and early, spruced up with clean clothes and a new hair cut. Man, I should have worn my good hat.

a broken stump

But suddenly, we saw a tragic scene.

Preston drops his flowers in shock at seeing a broken stump

What?! No, knot this … It couldn’t be! 

Preston looks in shock at the broken stump

There was no doubt as I approached, finding the remains. Kate Moss had been the victim of some sycamore crime.

Preston cries out with the broken stump in his hands

Oh! the anguish was unbeleafable.

Holding a broken stump that looks like a head

Poor Kate Moss. Just left there.

Preston walks away sad carrying a stump and flowers

Distraught, I couldn’t just leave her there.

A dog in a canoe with flowers and a broken stump

I decided Kate Moss needed a proper goodbye. Nancy was also very saddened, as you can see.

Flowers and a broken stump placed into a campfire

Perhaps not a poplar decision, I figured this was the best way to honour Kate Moss’s remains.

Preston looks sad as the campfire burns a stump and flowers

The funeral was short and solemn. I think she wouldn’t have wanted a big sappy ceremony.

A hand scatters flowers and ashes into the lake

Most of Kate Moss’s ashes were put to sea (or Lake, I guess).

A plaque on a tree in the distance

After the funeral, I returned to the scene of the crime with a proper marker.

Memorial wooden plaque

Goodbye Kate Moss.

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Preston and Nancy the dog pose with a Paddle in the Park Contest paddle
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